Umm.... What was I saying

The gremlins have invaded my brain. They have over powered my synapses and rewired my hard drive to work backwards. The little monsters have taken my memory and rerouted it to make me forget everything. Or at least that is the excuse I am going to be using. I may need to get a PHD so I can be the absent-minded professor. What brings on this observation? How about the fact that I can’t remember anything? Yesterday I went to the gas station, I went inside, got a Mt. Dew and a candy bar, talked to the pretty cashier, and then left. As I pulled onto the road the truck began to sputter and choke I forgot to get gas. Now you would think that since I was standing in a gas station I would have thought of it. And trust me the cashier gave me a hard time. I could try to say that the beauty of the cashier overwhelmed my brain, but that wouldn’t explain too many other things. I am not sure that she would buy it either.
Later last night I went to the grocery store to get cat food for a stray cat that had adopted me. I went in the store, got a buggy, picked up a case of bottled water, a loaf of bread, and some mustard (all of which I needed), but I didn’t get cat food. Not that the cat minded because I gave him a can of tuna. And while I was at the store I bumped into a gal who I recognized. I couldn’t remember who she was, but we talked for a few minutes. I racked my brain for hours and finally realized where I know her from. She works at the CVS by my house. The CVS is the closest store to me and I am in there a couple of times a week.
A while back I ran into a librarian at a store. For the life of me I couldn’t think of who she was. I am in the library almost every day checking my email. Been going there for about five years. But I couldn’t remember who she was. Oh I recognized the face but I had no context to put it in.
I am worried that one day I will wake up and head to the bathroom and not know who the guy I am shaving is. Maybe I should grow my beard back, and then I won’t have to shave. Sometimes I am surprised I can remember where I live. Or at least I think I live here. The key fit the door.
I won’t even begin to tell about all the times I go into the kitchen and have no idea what I went in there for. Maybe I should write myself a note before I get out of my chair so I can remember. Maybe that is why my dad never gets up, he asks my mom to get him stuff. He is afraid he won’t remember what he was after. Today I went in the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. I poured in the water, dropped in a filter, scooped in the coffee grounds, and went in the living room to wait. Thirty minutes later I realized that I hadn’t turned the coffee maker on.
It is the gremlins I am telling you. They have escaped from my computer, crawled up my fingers and invaded my brain. That has to be it. I wonder if I can have my head reformatted. Maybe add some virus protection. Of course maybe they could upgrade my memory while they are in there.