Thursday, March 23, 2006
Today, now that I have slept, I have that restless feeling that I remember from years gone by. It has been a while since I have felt like this. I just want to do something. Anything. I want to pack up and wander off to anywhere but here. I want to go to where I can be in new surroundings. I want to be twelve years younger when I had so few obligations I could go any where I pleased and no one cared. I want to be able to go for a long walk in the country. I want to go for a long drive with no destination in mind. Just wandering up and down the roads till I find where I am going. I want to spend three or four days in the truck with nothing more than a sleeping bag and a fishing pole. I want to go away and be someone else. If just for a little while. I want to go play a pick up game of football in the mud. To jump on a bicycle and ride till I don’t think I can make it back. I want to disappear, not run away, just to be away from myself for a while. But time and obligations and injuries keep me from being that free again. Maybe someday when the doctors of the world find a cure for car crash injuries and pain in general I can do it again. For now I am limited in my freedom by the length of the cord on the heating pad and the availability of pain meds. Maybe someday I can be free again. Maybe then, but not today.