Saturday, January 28, 2006

I am sick of love

I am Sick of Love
By William H. White, Jr.

In the Song of Solomon, Solomon writes, “ I am sick of love.” While I understand his point in the passage. I can say that I too am sick of love. I am sick of not having it. I am sick of wanting it. I am sick of needing it. I am sick of love. My life is filled with the emptiness of loneliness and not joy. I am truly sick of love.
With my whole heart I pine for it. I yearn for a soft touch to comfort my torments. I reach each morning for warmth in my bed but my hand finds only finds cold nothingness. My heart has a void that needs to be filled, a great chasm waiting to be bridged. I am not whole. I am less than half. I am sick of love.
At each turn I see others experiencing love. Holding one another. Touching softly the others hand. Yet I sit alone. All alone in a crowded room; an orphan from intimacy. Unknown and uncared for, needy yet having no relief, I cry in the darkness with no comfort. I am sick of love.
My soul sings songs that no ear will ever hear, no heart will ever receive, and no joy will ever bring. My solitude of suffering brings me nearer to the brink of destruction. I have no desire, no motivation, and no drive. I have only myself. My only company is my thought. My imagining love brings only a larger emptiness. My dreaming of comfort only brings greater pain. My longing brings only greater longing. I am sick of love.
I watch my dreams fade and disappear. I see no refuge for my heart. I find no salve for my wounds. I find only emptiness, darkness, unfulfilled longings, and shattered hopes. My every waking thought is of wanting someone to share my life with. My every dream is that someone is there. The sunrise brings only shallow longings – broken dreams. I am sick of love.
My soul yearns for release. My heart yearns for love. My mind yearns for intimacy. My longings unfulfilled, I continue my life. One dreary, empty, lonely day after another. I am sick of love.

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