Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Where have all the men gone

One of the greatest things about being a man has always been that we didn’t have to work at it. I mean women have to work at it. They obsess about an inch on their waist. They get up three hours early to paint on their faces and rebuild their hairdo. But men are supposed to look rough around the edges. That is until now. Now we are supposed to get manicures and moisturize our faces. Television commercials bombard us with hair care products and new razors that will shave our faces back to our childhood. We are supposed to worry about looking like actors and have no body hair. We aren’t supposed to smell like men either, but like a sea breeze or a winters afternoon. What ever happened to being a man? What happened to having a five-o-clock shadow and combing your hair with a screwdriver?
I remember a time when moisturizing a man’s face meant that the tractor had a hydraulic leak. I had a woman who cut my hair who asked me what I used on it because it was so thick and wonderful. I told her I routinely rubbed it under cars and washed it with dish detergent and I was telling the truth. What is wrong with having a little stubble? When I was a kid I couldn’t wait till I got to shave. Now it seems that men are supposed to look like they never reached puberty. What is wrong with a little dirt under a man’s nails and un-moisturized skin? I say it is time for the men of this world to be men.
Would the Marlboro man worry about his skin? NO! He would sharpen his knife on his stubble and then slice open a cow with it (the knife not the stubble) and have a steak then wipe his hands on his pants. He wouldn’t care if his socks matched his belt or even if they matched each other. Skin care for him is a pair of gloves and hair care is a Stetson. If he smelled like a sea breeze it was because he was on the beach. I can’t imagine John Wayne saying, “Let’s moisturize our skin, and make sure our belts and our hats match then go out and waft our fragrance over the hills until the bad guys surrender.” Never! He would say, “All right ya’ smelly dogs, get yer guns and let’s go after them scoundrels.” Now days Wyatt Earp would have been too busy conditioning his hair to go to the OK Corral.
So join me men. Let’s go out and get dirty. Let’s grow stubble and don’t shave till morning. Let’s wash our hair with unscented shampoo. I challenge you my brothers to shave with a razor that has fewer blades than a helicopter. Let’s smell like anything but a summer breeze. Gain a pound and don’t fret over it. Drive with the window down and let it blow through your hair. Toss that hair gel in the trash and let your hair be free. Throw out the tofu and quiche and have a steak. Be men. Get in touch with your feelings. Cry when Ol’ Yeller dies, but be men. Be a man or wear a dress. Let the women worry about facial hairs and hair fragrance. After all, they are supposed to make the world beautiful – not us.


Anonymous said...

Hmmm I don't mind a little stubble (kinda sexy actually) and a little sweat and dirt doesn't bother me, but I do like a man with a little sophistication.
Oh, and I have to say that I think your views of women are stereotypcial. I sure hope I have more purpose than just looking beautiful. I would rather be accomplished and intelligent.

wwhijr said...

I agree that intelligence is a great turn on in a woman ( far greater to me than physical attraction whick fades with age no matter how gracefully one ages.) However the purpose of the essay was that men are being pressed cosmetic regimes that should be better left to the fairer sex.

Cherry Blossom said...


That's what's happening these days and it's HORRIBLE! I hate men like those..:S :S
Amazingly written, it's HILARIOUS!!!
Thank you...

Enjoyed reading it:D

c2much said...

I certainly don't make the world any more beutiful with my presence. Thankfully not all women expect us to be metrosexual:) I must admit I do love the company of a well rounded intelligent woman though. You're right pretty fades fast. It's whats on the inside that matters most. (Learned from personal experience)

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